Gentle Weaning at One Year and Beyond
When you are ready to wean your older baby, gentle, slow weaning is the best scenario for both you and your baby. It reduces the risk of engorgement, breast infection and parent depression. Abrupt weaning leads to a sudden shift in hormones for the parent and can cause emotional disturbances, sadness and or depression. This is because breastfeeding hormones like prolactin and oxytocin promote feelings of wellbeing. Toddlers may experience more tantrums and separation anxiety if they are being weaned too quickly.
Gentle Weaning Strategies
The most gentle approach is the “don’t offer-don’t refuse” method. This method involves not offering to nurse but also not refusing when your child requests to nurse. Many parents move into this naturally as their child gets older. It can take longer than other methods, but is easier on the child. If you want to speed weaning up a bit, you can use this method along with the other methods we discuss.
Dropping one feeding at a time is another method. Eliminate one feeding or pumping session for every 3-7 days. This allows your milk supply to decrease slowly without causing you discomfort. Eliminate the least important feeding first and offer cups of liquid with food. Once you are totally comfortable (no extra fullness), eliminate the next pumping/feeding session. Repeat until completely weaned.
Distract or substitute nursing with other activities. If your child nurses at particular times or is cued to nurse by certain behaviors, you can try to distract them before they ask to nurse. Offer a snack, take a walk, go outside and play, or read a favorite book. In anticipation of weaning, you can establish a habit of nursing in a certain spot. Then avoid that spot with an activity in another area of the house or going outside.
You can also completely change your routine. Try to be out and about more. If your child nurses more often at home, get out and about during the weaning process. Older babies develop sequence scripts in their minds and expect things to happen in a certain order. If you change your whole routine, it can be easier to avoid nursing.
Partial weaning is another option. Some parents wean down to 1-2 nursing sessions a day and continue this way for several months. Studies tell us that even 50 mls per day of breastmilk still provides benefits. As your supply reduces, the immunological benefits continue because your milk gets more concentrated with antibodies, fat, calories and a few other nutrients. A milk supply is still there in case the baby gets sick and would benefit from your antibodies.
If your child gets sick during the weaning process, you may want to nurse more often again. Nursing frequently while your baby is sick can help them get better faster. It is comforting and can prevent dehydration. You can resume weaning when your child is feeling better.
The weaning process can be made easier on your child by replacing nursing with other close physical contact. Offer lots of cuddle time. Toddlers still need close contact, cuddles and one-on-one attention. Holding, stroking their back, and other gentle touch is essential. If you notice increased crying or tantrums while you are in the process of weaning, make more time for cuddles. Toddlers that continue to get close contact and loving touches from parents grow up to have better coping mechanisms and behaviors.
When you are ready to stop completely and you are down to just a feeding or two per day, you can shorten the duration of feedings. Use a timer to time feedings and gradually offer shorter feedings. You may also sing a song or play specific music during the feedings and end the nursing session when it is over.
Meal Times
Toddlers are ready to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with the rest of the family. Offer 3 meals with cups of liquid and small snacks of fruits or vegetables in between meals. Balance plates with protein, fruits and vegetables and starches (rice, pasta, potatoes, bread, etc) to ensure your child is getting all the nutrients they need from foods.
They may only eat very small amounts of each food served and that is okay. Toddlers gain weight and grow much more slowly than young infants. They may fill up on 1-2 bites of each food. They may eat more when they are going through growth spurts and less on other days. One day they may finish their plates and the next day they may refuse. Try not to worry or react if you feel they are not eating enough. Meal times should be calm and happy. Have family meals when possible. Children learn from watching their parents eat the same foods.
Milk Substitution
While you are nursing, your baby does not need additional milk. You may want to introduce a small amount of cow’s milk or another type of milk in a cup each day to expose your baby to these flavors so that they are more likely to accept them later when you are ready to complete weaning. If you are nursing 3 times a day, additional milk is not needed. You can offer water with all meals and snacks. As you decrease to 1-2 nursing sessions per day, you can add 1-2 cups of milk. It is recommended that toddlers drink 2 cups of milk per day after 12 months of age if they are not breastfeeding. Milk is an easy and convenient way to continue getting fatty acids, calcium, vitamin D and a few other nutrients. If your child refuses milk, you can substitute with cheese, yogurt and dark green vegetables along with water for hydration.
9 - 24 Month Old Behaviors that May Impact Weaning
Older babies and toddlers have a strong need to practice their new motor skills. They don’t want to sit still for long at the table. They need to get down to crawl, walk or run. This is normal and nothing to worry about. Weight gain slows between 12-18 months and they don’t need as much food as many parents think. It is the parent’s responsibility to offer 3 meals plus 2-3 snacks each day and to choose what to serve. It is a child’s responsibility to choose how much and if they will eat. Trust your child to self-regulate and they will grow into competent eaters.
They have a better working memory. They know what they have already tried and they know what they don’t like. You may have to present new things in a different manner. Food play is very helpful at this time. Build happy, fun associations with foods and drinks so they will eventually accept them. They may need to see and play with a specific food many times before they eat it. Encourage outside water play with cups of water. Schedule playdates with other kids and let them drink and eat together. Go to the park. Point out when you see other kids using a cup. Share your cup. Kids like to do exactly what parents are doing. Drink at the same time. Don’t pressure, make sure new foods, drinks etc are associated with calm and happiness.
Beginning at 9 months, toddlers develop scripts and sequences in their minds that they grow very attached to. Event A leads to event B, followed by event C, etc. They are averse to changing that script and will likely have tantrums when typical sequences aren’t followed. For instance, you may get them out of bed in the morning, then nurse, then put them in the high chair, then feed them breakfast and so on. If something changes in that script, you may see a tantrum. So with weaning or changing any sort of habit, sometimes you have to change the whole script for a little while and start a new routine. They will be fussy, but will adjust to the new routine and be open to the changes after a few days. For example, dad could get the baby out of bed and take him to the living room, perhaps move the high chair to another room for a while. Alter the routine from beginning to end to make changes easier.
When You are at the End of Your Nursing Journey
If you have to wean earlier or more abruptly, it is a good idea to consult with a lactation consultant on a plan to safely wean and signs of infection to watch for. This is especially important if you have a history of oversupply, plugged ducts or mastitis.
Even gentle, slow weaning can bring about feelings of sadness at the end of your nursing journey. Take it easy on yourself during the weaning process. It is a bittersweet time for many lactating parents. You may feel more emotional as your nursing relationship changes and your body reacts to different hormone levels. Take good care of yourself. Drink plenty of water and nourish yourself with nutrient rich foods. Getting gentle, regular exercise can increase your feel good hormones. Get lots of snuggles because snuggles and cuddles can also raise your oxytocin levels. Be kind to yourself and celebrate how far you have come in your nursing journey!
Georgina Lile is a Registered Dietitian and Internationally Board Certified Lactation Consultant. She offers lactation consults, as well as preconception and prenatal nutrition assessments. Contact her at glile@nourishwell.online for a nutrition assessment, help choosing the right supplements or balanced meal planning.